After the Rain...

you have to keep looking for the rainbow!

This past week has been really tough on me, which is why I haven't really been blogging. Last weekend I learned about a friend of my ex boyfriend who died suddenly in a car accident. I didn't really know him that well; had only hung out with him a few times at gatherings, but it was still so surreal to think of someone my own age dying. It really got me thinking again about how I'm living my life.

Earlier this year, I made some really tough decisions in order to take better care of myself, but this week I learned that I was falling back into some of my old bad habits. I started letting my insecurities get the best of me and realized that I was letting myself be second choice to a lot of people in my life. I am one of those people that is always willing to put themselves on the line for their friends, and unfortunately I was feeling that some of my friends were not willing to do the same for me.

It's always difficult when you feel like you are giving more to others than they are willing to give for you, both in friendships and relationships...and you find yourself starting to shut down and fall into a funk. My initial reaction was to just build up those walls of protection and try to keep everyone out...but this only led to more feelings of disappointment and sadness. I started remembering that your world is a reflection of the attitude you give off...and I was attracting some major negative energy because that is what I was giving off.

As much as growing and changing is good for you, it is never easy. And with each experience, you realize that you have more to learn about yourself than anything/anyone else! Because of this week, I KNOW I have a lot of work to do on ME and making sure I'm putting myself first again. I don't want to be negative anymore this week...I want to go into tomorrow searching for the rainbow instead of standing in the rain.